Life Upon the Wicked Stage ain't Ever What a Girl Supposes

I have to tell this, mostly because it was the most intense moment of my paranormalless life.

So, after finishing a movie night in the Black Box at about 1:30, Andy, Whitney, and I were leaving the Black Box.  Lights were shut off and I was locking the doors.  All of a sudden, through the crack between the doors, I noticed some light.  My first reaction was: "Oh, must have left the back hall light on, oh well."  then a split second later, I realize that that solution could not bb, because we never turned the light on and we were watching the movie in the dark.  Then, I noticed that the light was 1: too bright for the hall light and 2 moving, or so it seemed. 

At this point I should mention that we had mentioned and discussed the resident ghost, Harry Bangsberg earlier.  A sheet of paper fell off the wall, and we were joking that it was him.  Mostly he is a good ghost, but we blame him for Scott getting nearly decapitated when the disco ball in my senior show fell randomly.  We say it was him because the cast was sure our show was cursed because we used his portrait for one we needed in the show.  I say he was honored by us using the portrait, but because Scott had to stick out his tongue at the portrait, I grant that a little hostility might be there.  I also should mention that the cord for the disco ball snapped at a very odd place and that according to our ME, it had abesolutely no reason to snap as it was perfectly solid and the weight on it was maybe 1/5th of what it could hold.

Back to the story: Split second later, I was staring at the light from the crack, when a flash at my feet made me jump, and I started walking quickly up the stairs with Andy saying "Let's get out of here, NOW"  Halfway up the staircase we hear the door open and close again, and oh so slowly Andy looks back.

Only to find a Security officer.  We laughed and mentioned how freaked out we were, and the poor officer said "How do you think I felt walking into a room to see the other door closing?"

I don't know why, but I find that experience comical to say the least, and I was honestly freaked out for a moment or two there.  Pathetic, maybe, who knows if Harry thought that was a fine little display down there?

teejie

This has been a very strange week indeed, and I am ready for it to be over.  TO be quite honest, all the days have run into together, so I am thinking my exact dating of these events might be a little off, but oh well, they happened, and that is the thing.

Rehearsals have been . . . well bad.  I am having such a hard time with this role.  I'm just not an actress, I realize this now.  But I am trying my best, and I WILL succeed because I WILL NOT ALLOW myself to let down my fellow actors.  On that line, I had a small breakdown with Andy the other night, and he took the time to sit and listen to all my worries.  Then, the next day I had a major breakdown with Matt.  I was all set to be positive for that rehearsal, and ready to give it my all.  I tried, but entered the scene wrong and from the get-go Patrick had to explain that when Amanda enters a room, it has a huge effect.  She breathes life into the room by her mere presense.  This I know, but I can't do it.  I've never really "made an entrance" in my life.  I just don't have the vitality.  I also suck at expressing things apparently, but I won't go into that at all.  That night turned into a very bad night and Patrick said (and he is right) "If we don't improve each time we do it, than we're wasting our time."  He's right, I am wasting everyone's time.  It frustrates me so much.  WHY?  WHY can't I just do it?  Why is it that I have a "governor"  What is holding me back?  I know it is myself only, but WHAT is it?  I don't know, and therefore I don't know how to fix it exactly.  But I will, I have to.  I'm really trying, and I don't want to let the rest of the cast down, so I will do it.  So, basically after my section of this practice, I just left the stage as soon as we were done, got out of there as quickly as possible, and while gathering myself and my stuff in the theatre office, I let it come out.  Matt (the wonderful guy that he is)  came up and gave me a hug and just let me cry a little and we talked a bit.  I took the rest of the night off, and met Barry out at Keg n' Cork for a drink, which was a nice ending to the evening.

Then, Friday night I again went out with Barry to Oktoberfest.  We ended up at Hard Times where we met up with Matt.  I had my first full beer (Hard Times Ale or something like that.)  Matt was just being a sweetheart all night.  Barry left and we stayed there for another hour or so, held my hands, and he said the most encouraging things, trying so hard to help me.  At one point he even kissed me.  (** at this point I would like to note that, while I am focusing on this a lot, I don't "like" Matt in 'that way'  I am realistic, I just love him because he is a great guy, and a wonderful friend**)  We walked back together, talking, and holding hands.  Oh, and fighting about who was getting home first.  Which, I won, and so walked him to his house.  It was so hard for him to just stop and listen to me tell him that he is a great guy.  I don't know why, but he just wasn't accepting that.  Basically I did not get home until about 4:00-:30ish in the morning.  But it was seriously the best night I have had in a long time.

With all that said, what I wanted to get at was these two things: 1: Matt is such a nice guy.  Honestly I have met very few people in my life that have ever made me feel that good about myself, if even for the short time I would allow myself to believe it.  How he did not get it at first when I told him that he was an amazing person, I don't know.  2: I miss contact.  Honestly that kiss was the first one I have had since I left Illinois.  And holding hands, well it has been a long time.  I miss that aspect in life.  It's such a simple thing, but just the feeling you get when someone reaches for your hand and you interlock fingers, it's so simple and so comfortable and so wonderful.  It's just so . . . natural.  It's nice and easy and comfortable.  The same as a simple kiss.  Nothing romantic there, but just the contact. The feeling that someone is not afraid to touch you, be near you, and be comfortable with the nearness - we don't get enough of it.  I know it is ridiculous that I am THAT hung up on this, but it made that night something special.

Then, on a less good note (love the grammer there, huh?).  Ash and I got some terrible news today.  Our old roommate tried to commit suicide.  I am not going into any details or anything like that, because I honestly don't want to think about it.  She's ok, and all of that, and she is in a psych ward, where she is going to stay until she feels she is ready to leave.  The good thing is that she is getting help.  Thank God.  I just feel horrible because I have been a really bad friend to her since she left.  We don't get to talk often, and when we do, it is rushed, and I am always so busy with work and theatre that I always seem to miss those rare times when we could possibly get together in the Cites or something.  But I love her, I do, and I am incredibly worried about her.

I am ready for this week to be over.  Now I have to get started with patching up all the mistakes and mishaps from this week.  It's seriously like a disaster has come through my life, and now it is clean up time.  And on a side note: I am SO TIRED of going at this alone.  Is there any hope?

Teejie

School s going fine.  Back to a routine again, which is nice.  I have 6 classes, and I like most of them.  Sociology of Family and Marriage is kind of boring and a little depressing as of yet.  The books are hard to read, and we're on families and poverty now.  Just a polite reminder to all of us that we're incredibly in debt and will be living in poverty for a while after school.  English Lit is fine, and the professor just radiates intelligence.  Shakespeare and his Age is one of my favorites.  We're going over 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' right now, my favorite comedy.  We're covering most of the plays that I already had to read for Performing Shakespreare, so it's also incredibly easy.  Astronomy is not fun or easy, but the teacher is nice, and if I can get in gear and actually read the book, the notes he gives will be much easier to understand.  Stage Acting is going well, and I can't wait until Pat gets doen with the basics so I can actually teach the class a couple days.  I love being able to help the students and share my experiences with them.  Seminar is VERY interesting, but also very stressful. We're basically creating our own show about Sophie Scholl and the White Rose, which was a German Anti-Nazi peaceful resistance group in Germany.  It's a once-a-week class though, and we perform 2nd weekend in November.  I'm a little worried and anxious about the time limits, but it's exciting to develope our own show.

Theatre Unlimited is going well too.  I'm still hitting my stride as President, and I'm struggling to take my authority back from Barry, who I mistakenly consulted with too much over the summer about things with this group.  I am paying for it now, because there seems to be a lack of respect and so forth, so I am trying hard as I can to really take things over, but it's still hard to get some people to come around.  Anyways, so much is different this year.  We're having meetings every week now, and we've started holding Board Meetings only, and we're so incredibly active this semester.  It's exciting!

I got a job, well actually 3, in the theatre department.  I am being pulled between office work, work in the costume shop, and the scene shop.  I'm a little unsure about this, but oh well, it's $$ and it's not like I haven't handled this before.

As far as theatre projects go, it's been a rollarcoaster.  I talked with Pat about SMing for 'Glass Menagerie'  He said no.  He also told me he didn't want me to do Props for it either.  He encouraged me to do something else like lighting, sound, costume, or acting.  Well, as I don't have the experience to design any of those, I went ahead and auditioned.  Like I said, I knew nothing would come of it, because there are so many people trying out and so forth.  Well Patrick is having a hard time finding a SM, and I can't help but think: hey, I offered, and therefore I am not going to feel bad about the whole thing.  Auditioning was not as bad as I remember, and I am really glad I did it for two reasons: 1) the experience is a good thing and it helped me build up my confidence about going out there and auditioning for other things, and 2) I GOT A PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **SCREAM OF EXCITEMENT**  YEA!  I will be playing Amanda (the mom).  Not the dream part I had in mind, but I don't care, it's a part, and I am so excited about it!  Ecstatic really.  I don't know what Patrick was smoking when he decided that, but too bad, he's stuck with me now!  HAHA!  I'm working with a great group of people too.  Tracy Ashman is Laura, Matt Goinz is Tom, and Andy Browers is Jim.  On top of that, I found out that day that I am also being considered for 2 different productions as well.  Tracy and Sasha are writing and acting a stage version of 'Girl, Interrupted' for their senior project and I have heard a rumor that they are looking at me for the part Whoopi Goldberg plays in the film, whatever that is (I've never seen it) and Andy might write me in for a part of the masque in Madrigal Dinners this year.  Which is exciting.  Again, none of these are for sure, but it's all really exciting to even have the possibility.  So basically, I am feeling on top of the theatre world at BSU right now.  It's going to be a GREAT YEAR!  (I hope this doesn't sound like I am being cocky or self-centered, I just feel wonderful!)

On top of that, and surpassing that, I have a new nephew, Matthew Joe Rankin.  He's adorable!  He joined the world on Aug. 28th weighing 8lbs. 8oz. @ 20 1/4 inches long.  He's such a little cutie!  It's exciting!  Look in my pictures, and I'll have one in there soon of him.

Well that is all for now.  I should get to work on some homework now.  Ug!  Hee Hee!  TTFN!

Teej 

Sorry about that - I know it has been a while.  Here is where I am now:

So the playhouse is done with.  Another season over.  It was kinda sad.  Good news: Zach wants me back - HALLELUJAH!!!  I am so excited about that.  Pretty much as long as Zach is here I want to be here too.

Now I am in this layover period, and it is driving me crazy.  We get started with RMRW tomorrow.  That will be something to string me along until we get into the school year.  We had a cookout for everyone today.  I seriously forgot just how much I love these people. 

I changed my mind about auditioning for 'The Glass Menagerie'  I just know there is no way I would get cast, and I want to be involved in this show.  And the only way that I can be as involved as I want to be is if I SM.  I like SMing, so it's not a bad thing.  But what I wouldn't give to be Laura.  Oh well.  Then there is so much going on with TU as well.  After RMRW for the fall semester we have plans for student written one acts, Tracy's senior project (whatever that will be), Barry's comedy nights at the playhouse, and another show of some kind (we don't know exactly what, but something small but quality.  We're pushing 'You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown' off until next semester, which will give us more time to prepare.  We'll get it done if Mallory and I have anything to say about it.  It's just too great to pass up, and we have an amazing group of people to put it on.  Part of me REALLY wants to do 'Crimes of the Heart' or some other female intensive show, but that really is up to all the other Theatre Unlimited people.

Let's see, what else?  Um, cute little thing.  Barry and I have a new relationship status.  No, nothing big, just an observation he made while we were shopping for the cookout together.  "we're like an old married couple"  How incredibly true it is too.  I'm still laughing about it.  Because over and over again today we have totally acted that way.  Goodness knows what is going to happen this year in theatre with the two of us at the helm.  *Gulp*

Other than that same old same old.  Just getting ready for school and all of that.  I better get to work.  I am not tired at all, so I am going to be analyzing 'Glass Menagerie'  I've got my highlighters and everything ready.

That reminds me: one last thing.  Here is an example of just how much of a SM freak I am.  Maybe not just SM, but a general theatre prep freak.  I went school shopping the other day and I went crazy.  Rachel rubbed off on me (Love ya Rachel if you read this!) and I bought about 8 packages of marking strips, 4 sets of postit notes (all different sizes and varieties of color), 2 packages of rainbow sets of Sharpies, 2 packs of Highlighters, 1 pack of 2 keychain Sharpies, paperclips, divider pages, and a brand new planner.  I am SO set to SM, and I am in the organization and business mood.  Seriously ridiculous.  Anyone else would think I am a total freak, but I am banking that Rachel will understand.

Ok, I am out for now - TTYL!

Teej